I’m a shit poster. I can’t help it. It’s who I am and one just can’t change something like that. IF YOU LOVED ME, YOU’D BE ABLE TO LET THIS GO. My sense of humor doesn’t come across *too* unhealthy, right?

Alright, here’s the news: Mattie’s Broviac comes out Monday!! WHAT?! Can you believe it will be exactly four months since it was put into place? September 13th, a friday. Now, a Monday to start the week off free! We are beyond ecstatic about the speedy appointment. St. Louis Children’s Hospital was as close to perfect as I think an experience like this can get. I’m still in awe of the force-field created by knowledgeable heroes-ready to fight for our girl. I’m very exhausted; I’m mostly grateful.

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Wow. There was a lot of poor writing and cancer talk over the last few months. If you’ve read through all the posts, you know that I started this blog almost immediately before the cancer news. The entire focus of my life panned over, hyper focusing on the “C” word that just intruded and joined the family. That pseudo relative has since died. There are remnants of evidence lingering around from a predator pouncing on the youngest of our unit, but it’s slowly getting easier to think about life after and without that word.

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STOP YELLING. I just took a little break. D0nt b mad plz.

Where have I been? Well, when I stop the metaphorical line of time, I turn around and mostly see an indecipherable blur. However, there are teeny snippets that I can see when I take the time to think- almost every hospital employee giggling about her adorable traits, the promotion and thrill of being upgraded to “big kid” baths again (since we have been able to improve coverage of her Broviac!!), her birthday(!!!!), and Thanksgiving
(not an exhaustive list!!). I know I’ve made it clear that I’m thankful, but I’m just so heckin’ happy too (Sam and I are now in full swing of trying not to curse because Mattie all of a sudden wants to repeat everything *nervous laughter*).

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Oh my goodness. I had taken quite a bit of a break to just relax before the surgery date slinked its way to us; then the surgery happened and we are finally back home (as of the other day)! I feel like there’s a lot to share and a lot to appreciate.

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My. God. I am currently writing this as it is the night before Mattie goes into major liver surgery. Would someone like to explain to me what I am feeling? Because I sure as hell am having a hard time describing it. I couldn’t place a bet on how to describe how I’m feeling overall. I’m saying hello to so many new experiences, but I know some things confidently.

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