My Life

Raise Your Hands

If the feelings are coming intensely for you too. Waves? This is what I feel like I’m experiencing: More stormy than usual waters nudging me around, but I can clearly see where the storm ends. Like Alice in the bottle, I’m feeling a bit helpless in directing myself towards much of an end goal other than to feel a little safer. I’m dipping into the isolation, in a way. Nothing and no one else is bringing the inner peace, other than myself. I’m slinking into the bottom corner of the bottle and growing further into peace during my lonely stay. Exhausted, but vigilant I am riding this fickle storm.

It’s been a thick layer of suffocating emotions as I watch the world handle this unique crisis. I’m watching so many people grit their teeth and plant themselves in defense of beliefs they only half believe, I’m watching growth, and I’m watching too many-way too many- people break.

Why has mental health not been a universal service fully implemented within the public school system? The things we could do, the change we could make- if every person’s mental health was valued from the beginning. It needs to genuinely be cared about or it just won’t happen. So many of those in need, with regards to this area of health and my experiences, can smell your intentions. There are ways to do this and for some reason it hasn’t been evident enough (or something??) until now. I’m sure a lot of us probably feel this way(??), since most people need at least some mental support living here…it’s just like basic earthling medical help.

I guess I’m just angry feeling some extras struggles and, while working through them, watching too many around me get swallowed by that awful darkness. Too many of us know the depths of that abyss. Whatever struggle it may be, uniquely to each person, it seems darkness is inviting itself into this quarantine as well. Following our every move. Why weren’t the majority of us properly taught how to fight these battles? I can only find BS excuses and I hope one day we can really change this. There is so much progress that needs to happen in countless areas. I feel obligated to bring attention and positive-change-attempts/good evolution to the world topics that are within my limits of ability and knowledge. One example could be that I’ve worked, learned, or lived a specific experience and there are clear problems that can be and need to be fixed ASAP-I’ll try to problem solve and be loud about it especially if I see the need for help.

Are the fists pounding against the inside of my chest cavity just impatient, as I feel like I’m standing in line waiting for my turn to happen, or is there a part of me urging for my voice to stay loud when it feels like it needs to be? Sometimes we can feel silly going off of feelings, but if they bring benevolent inspiration I think they’re well worth riding. How do so many of our helpers not know their worth? How have we broken them more often than not in an attempt to drain them of their dreams for change. Why do we kill hope? What’s wrong with us? Seriously. We get told we are literally ending the world as we know it and hardly a flinch. That is not normal behavior. It seems as though we have already killed ourselves.

It doesn’t feel comfortable living here. It never really did, but especially during this weird reality. If there ever were to be a zombie apocalypse, it’d be the people allowing the deflation of dreams for the future to continue being a cycle. The human race should be capable of making a world where humans don’t hate each other from manmade fear composed of malice and greedy intent. We only have us. Not cool that we have a history composed of trying to literally kill off more groups than not.

If you’re having a hard time during this static, it’s not your fault! You weren’t even prepared by our “#1” society to handle normal emotions that most of us regularly experience. Honestly, it feels like we’ve low key been encouraged to fall into those awful states.

I’m moving across the country next week. I’m very tired. I’m doing fine, but I’m very sad for those who are not. Too many could have been helped. Share how you feel, no matter how anyone makes you feel for doing it. If you don’t know where to share it, I can always be a start.

Take care of the planet and share love with the universe.

Peace and progress,
-Kait

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