Engraved Brain that one burst of agony outlined semi-permanent paths deemed logically safe and they’ve outlawed the essences which let’s It forget not a cure but a journey on new paths yet if set in your ways both emotionally and spiritually nightmares happen Wishes reach for the stars and you’ll most likely snatch some breeze reach for your dreams and you’ll start creating them lucidly
I’ve been taking time to process so many things. I’m sure I’ll have another period of processing soon- and then another and another and… It’s been a joy falling back into the wisdoms of my heart, without an audience. Remembering that there is not anything I truly need other than myself and this Earth. Why don’t we capitalize “earth”? I don’t need anyone else’s narrative of me to be “accurate”. I don’t need a lot…
I want to drag us down one of the rabbit holes my mind offers me. Sometimes these vortexes cause unnecessary anxiety and I tense up with the implosion. Yet, most of them are healthy for me. It’s almost like a consciousness exercise where I allow myself to fold and unfold into expansive thoughts, like the universe itself is doing.
It’s been a year (11 months) since I started this thing. My daughter beat cancer and I moved across the second half of the country. Wow, what a difference a year can make (do we love these kind of cliches?). I have also reached to some deep realizations. About half of these light bulbs set me free and lit up the path I’m trying to take. The other half required some grieving. Nonetheless, I am here continuing to take steps on my individual path with yet another version of myself accompanying me. On the outside, it probably looks like I’m just starting this adventure; I’ve actually been working towards this current state consistently for years. I had taken a pause from this blog, not knowing whether or not I wanted to continue it. I knew that this could no longer be “cancer update” space it had become and I didn’t know exactly how I wanted to adjust from it. I’ve known from the beginning of this that I want to share my inner thoughts, but which thoughts to choose was difficult. Mattie’s cancer journey made that easier. It was the only thing on my mind for months and still continues to invade my day to day thoughts throughout a pandemic norm. That chapter is virtually closed now though and I need to open the gates of my mind a bit further. It feels so important to me because- if I stumbled across this blog (that I’m hoping to create) as a kid, this would have most likely changed my life a bit earlier and allowed me to inhale the magic I’ve always felt and exhale the lies societal pressure implies.
If the feelings are coming intensely for you too. Waves? This is what I feel like I’m experiencing: More stormy than usual waters nudging me around, but I can clearly see where the storm ends. Like Alice in the bottle, I’m feeling a bit helpless in directing myself towards much of an end goal other than to feel a little safer. I’m dipping into the isolation, in a way. Nothing and no one else is bringing the inner peace, other than myself. I’m slinking into the bottom corner of the bottle and growing further into peace during my lonely stay. Exhausted, but vigilant I am riding this fickle storm.